changes. they are inevitable right? everything must change or life would become stagnant and nobody would ever learn what they need to from situations. well im going through some changes right now and thought it may help myself and others to write about them so here goes……
so as it stands i am many things, a mum, home educating facilitator, a warrior momma who deals with sleep deprivation like a boss haha, a carer, a cake baker, a psychic medium albeit practicing, a healer, a student. i also have M.E and and menieres disease. i am many things, and things within each of these roles i have change over the seasons of this lifetime. right now as it stands i have been separated from my husband who has autism and frontal lobe damage for 8 weeks. this was a massive shift within life but needed for both of us and we are both happier for it although it hasn’t been easy by any stretch. the other big change is to do with my menieres disease and this is what i want to write bout really.
i have had menieres since i was 18 although have only had a formal dx for 10 yrs now so have suffered 15 yrs. i have had many trips to hospital for falls, spins, concussions and broken bones. i have endured the violent sickness that comes with my vertigo and have been driven to distraction by the constant tinnitus that has plagued my life since i can remember. things are changing now though. i have been in stage 2 for many yrs and have got so comfortable hat i almost became complacent with this often invisible illness, so on Friday night when i went bilaterally deaf i panicked as my hearing didn’t come back. there was nothing except complete and utter silence. i have to say that some hearing is back to a degree and i am greatly relieved to her the simple things we take for granted. i believe i have/am going into stage 3 and will get an appointment first thing to discuss. what scares me about losing my hearing? a myriad of things to be honest! the though of not hearing my children’s voices again, hearing birds sing in the trees, water along the beach, the kettle boiling first thing in the morning, hearing music as i sing all day long to keep me sane at times! so many things will no longer b fresh in my head. now that is scary to me! i want to hear the emotion in peoples voices, the sounds of nature, chatting to friends and hearing their beautiful distinct voices. i have over come a lot over the years but knowing this is coming hurts real bad and there are no words worth of the fear i feel inside. i also fear for my development as a medium an being able to work as in readings etc. my amazing friends and teacher have informed me that i will fin a different way of working with spirits help and that this isnt the end of that side of things. the fear of being avoided in case i don’t understand or hear fully something being said is also lurking in my mind. i have many things that will change with this progression. i know i have amazing peopl in my life who will not distance themsleves but envelop me in love and strength when mine is low and i am grateful eternally for this.
so there it is in black and white i guess. i am going deaf, when? nobody knows. how profound? time will tell i guess too! so when you get irritated at something take a moment to ponder how amazing life is because when you lose one of your senses, it changes everything. how you deal with change is the deciding factor on whether you sink or swim.
as for me? i choose to swim whatever the tide has in store for me