changes in life

changes. they are inevitable right? everything must change or life would become stagnant and nobody would ever learn what they need to from situations. well im going through some changes right now and thought it may help myself and others to write about them so here goes……

so as it stands i am many things, a mum, home educating facilitator, a warrior momma who deals with sleep deprivation like a boss haha, a carer, a cake baker, a psychic medium albeit practicing, a healer, a student. i also have M.E and and menieres disease. i am many things, and things within each of these roles i have change over the seasons of this lifetime. right now as it stands i have been separated from my husband who has autism and frontal lobe damage for 8 weeks. this was a massive shift within life but needed for both of us and we are both happier for it although it hasn’t been easy by any stretch. the other big change is to do with my menieres disease and this is what i want to write bout really.

i have had menieres since i was 18 although have only had a formal dx for 10 yrs now so have suffered 15 yrs. i have had many trips to hospital for falls, spins, concussions and broken bones. i have endured the violent sickness that comes with my vertigo and have been driven to distraction by the constant tinnitus that has plagued my life since i can remember. things are changing now though. i have been in stage 2 for many yrs and have got so comfortable hat i almost became complacent with this often invisible illness, so on Friday night when i went bilaterally deaf i panicked as my hearing didn’t come back. there was nothing except complete and utter silence. i have to say that some hearing is back to a degree and i am greatly relieved to her the simple things we take for granted. i believe i have/am going into stage 3 and will get an appointment first thing to discuss. what scares me about losing my hearing? a myriad of things to be honest! the though of not hearing my children’s voices again, hearing birds sing in the trees, water along the beach, the kettle boiling first thing in the morning, hearing music as i sing all day long to keep me sane at times! so many things will no longer b fresh in my head. now that is scary to me! i want to hear the emotion in peoples voices, the sounds of nature, chatting to friends and hearing their beautiful distinct voices. i have over come a lot over the years but knowing this is coming hurts real bad and there are no words worth of the fear i feel inside. i also fear for my development as a medium an being able to work as in readings etc. my amazing friends and teacher have informed me that i will fin a different way of working with spirits help and that this isnt the end of that side of things. the fear of being avoided in case i don’t understand or hear fully something being said is also lurking in my mind. i have many things that will change with this progression. i know i have amazing peopl in my life who will not distance themsleves but envelop me in love and strength when mine is low and i am grateful eternally for this.

so there it is in black and white i guess. i am going deaf, when? nobody knows. how profound? time will tell i guess too! so when you get irritated at something take a moment to ponder how amazing life is because when you lose one of your senses, it changes everything. how you deal with change is the deciding factor on whether you sink or swim.

as for me? i choose to swim whatever the tide has in store for me

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Normal

Normal, let’s talk about it.

For me, normal is overrated. Normal to me equates following the masses, not thinking for myself, taking other opinions over my own.

In my home I don’t want my boys to follow the masses, just Because society dictates that is the right way to go. I want them to think, and trust what they believe is true and then act on their truth.

Im my home out normal looks different to others in many forms throughout the day. It does’nt mean it is wrong or right, it is just different.

For instance, I choose not to restrict many things using arbitrary rules. Instead I allow the boys to become involved in making choices. We don’t restrict food, both healthy or more of the ‘unhealthy’, many may bulk at this idea but for us the proof is in the pudding lol. The thing is I can have a bowl of sweets as treats on the side and they will often go for other foodstuffs rather than the bowl. This is I believe Becuase I have removed the restrictions on it, therefore they dont worry that it will b there and gone the next. This in turn has meant they know that if they would like some then they go help themselves knowing it is not restricted. It stopped the constant can I have, and replaced it with hmmm well I think I will have an apple Becuase I know the sweet stuff is there and don’t worry that it will be taken away from me. It is the same for almost all other decisions within our family life. It was a leap of faith and not for the faint hearted I will admit. Trusting that children can make positive choices without the arbitrary rules is a massive learning curve for the conditioned mind as it is going against how most of us were brought up.

i encourage free thinking and facilitate their learning through allowing them to make the choices they feel they need to. I will intervene if it is a dangerous situation as that is my job as a mum.

To see the boys beginning to make choices based on their perception and thoughts of what is in question, rather than what is thought of  ‘normal’ is amazing to see from a mums viewpoint.

This of course tested my nerves and has involved a huge shift within myself, but I wholeheartedly know it was the right thing for my family. This leads me back to the ‘normal’ theme.

Life is messy, and creative at its core and it is intended to be that way in order to unearth the lessons we have chosen to learn.  We are all individual and then why would we focus so much on trying to be ‘normal’ when we were born to be amazingly and inherently individual?!

why not spend five minutes thinking about what you do that is different to others and them go celebrate that, you may just surprise yourself at how spectacular you are!

Riding the wave of life

Yesterday, whilst driving on errands it occurred to me you can choose from 2 ways to journey through your life.

1) ride/surf the wave

2) be dragged by the current

I personally find I tumble from one to the next. Let me explain and maybe you can recognise what you do!

So by riding the wave, I mean I am on top of things, ready for twists and turns along the way and things don’t knock me down even if they give me the odd wobble. Ultimately, I am feeling positive and looking ahead. These are the days I manage the dishwasher before bed and don’t come down to yesterday’s mess and confusion.

Now being pulled by current to me feels like I am always 1 step behind in everything. I am so tired that I can’t do my cleaning at night and so effectively I am taking some energy from today’s pot to finish yesterday. I’m disorganised, flustered by the small things, I wallow in myself. It feels like life has got it’s grip n me instead of me navigating my own way.

I have 2 chronic illness dx but choose not to take medication. People react differently to this, Because 1) they feel I must not be ill/bad enough to warren medication and 2) it can’t be as bad as someone else’s illness.

My answers to this are as follows!

1) Yes I have numerous medications that the drs would encourage me to take daily but I chose not to long ago. I didn’t know why at the time I would refuse, but I am now aware that I have been given these in my life for a reason and or lessons to be learned.

2) Judgement is a slippery slip in many ways. It closes us off from liberating our compassion and joy of the world around us and the people in it. I often hear you are lucky as you can still do xyz. Truth is I see it as mind set now. I feel like I can’t possibly carry on a step further at times, I have had enough of feeling and experiencing my symptoms of chronic illness. Then after a while I think to myself ‘ life is for living’ I’m gonna go out there and not ignore illness but not let myself be defined by it, Becuase I still have the gift of life every day I wake in this psychical plane.

This doesn’t mean that someone suffers less/more/equally. This is how I have chosen to overcome the negative side of mine .

x natalie x

How my journey began

Hi all, I decided with a little help from my friends to explain how I came to be a psychic medium. Now from what I have read, most people either recognise their abilities from an early age or after sitting in circles for sometimes many yrs. Nether of these apply to me from what I feel, you see I wasn’t trying not had I recognised this ability whilst young. In actual fact it was completely the opposite for me!

It started last April, 24th to be exact. It was a hectic early evening and I was juggling cooking dinner, breaking up commotion between kids, putting. DVD on for the boys and was generally up to my eyes in stress and motherhood. I was also flicking through a free reading page that I had posted a pic for a live reading of myself due to feeling completely lost in life. I felt like I was drowning, my husband was not well with his back and I was grinding to a gaily with our home education journey. Anyway I was flicking through the page trying to find my photo when it stopped on a photo of a gentleman.

I felt the photo explain to me his name was john and that he had passed in an accident. Fast forward 70 comments and an hour and I had finished what was to be my first reading! My phone started ringing with those close to me asking what on earth was that they were reading. I was just as gobsmacked as them and couldn’t explain it either! I had given dates, I had been given the vision if going through a windscreen in 1st person view and many other validations I couldn’t have possibly known.

I kept thinking wow I don’t understand as I am the last person I would have guessed would b able to do this as I live anything but a peaceful and calm orderly life and had not attempted to look into developing.

What has happened since is a whole new post waiting to be written, but thought it maybe helpful to anyone else who is either looking into developing or has had this happen too.

x natalie x

Be the change you wish to see

Ok so February is drawing to an end and march is fast approaching. Is it me or is it going quickly this yr?!

2015 seems to b a year full of change for us all and it’s no different here. I am finding myself increasingly pondering different areas of my life and changes that have come about and those that I wish to see but I am aware that we need to be the change we wish to see. In other words it’s all good wanting to change things but we have to get our sleeves rolled up and get stuck in! For instance, I am and have been feeling the need to connect to nature and ground myself over the past month or two. Now that’s all well and good but thinking and doing are 2 very different things! I am trying to get out more with the boys within nature and the elements when I can and know that once out we all feel better for it.

It takes me back to the saying ‘be the change you wish to see’. I am working on dealing with one area at a time within our lives that we wish to change and that’s working when I can keep my mind from racing ahead of me lol.

The goal for me is to live simply and with good intent and radiate as much love and positivity as I can whilst not forgetting about my needs! The road to this goal is twisty and my road to travel but by keeping my intent good and pacing I will get there where ever ‘there’ is x much love x

January 5th 2015 aka not back to school day!

Well today is the day a lot of children walk back through the doors of their school buildings, not my 2 youngest though! A had asked to come back out of school for a few months but I let him in thinking he may settle, he hasn’t. So this morning over a hot cuppa at bout 7:30 am I wrote an email sating regulations etc deregistering A from his school. He joins C who has been out since Halloween week and I couldn’t be happier! Now we can get back to real, literal hands on learning without the interruption of school times etc. today was productive and included getting some new trousers for A which is a rare occur acne and a trip to clear out the local library of books for a topic he wishes to look into. And so I feel we have the whole journey ahead of us to which I am looking forward to as are the boys. C is currently starting his first term of enrolment of a minecraft homeschool online, he learns exceptionally well via technology. They both learn in different ways and have different difficulties so it is quite eclectic in how we roll lol. But for this week it will b big hot breakfasts and quiet mornings, whilst contemplating what goals to aim for this year. North boys have decided to go up and chill on iPads already so something must have worn them out!  I feel I have my little ones back and no longer sharing them with the state to be force fed information, some valuable, but most completely useless!

Much love over till next time, Natalie xxxxx

How I came to home educate

Ok so what is the first thing u think of when u hear home ed or homeschool for those who prefer that terminology?! , whatever it is you are thinking, you probably haven’t seen anything quite like our situation lol. I mean it in a crazy, funny, wacky way. It definitely isn’t the waltons or little house on the prairie, I can tell you that right now! It is true that home ed is different for every family and here is no exception at all!

Right now I have C who is home educated. I had my 2 youngest at home for a year up till June 2014 when daddy got poorly and it seemed impossible to juggle it all so decided to give a school a try. Well that went down like a lead weight! Whilst A settled ok if not a little unsettled, C didn’t cope at all. All my boys have autism and other co morbid conditions and learning difficulties. C was instantly given full time 1-1 and was started on just and hr a day but between the autism, SPD and what I feel is OCD and PDA  he just couldn’t access the school. It got dangerous with meltdowns and sensory overloads to the point school explained to me what I already knew deep down- that C was safer and better off at home in an environment that we can tailor to his sensory demands and needs. So he has been out since before Halloween break. A has decided he wants out too, although he has given it a good go. He has autism and severe anxiety too which makes his life difficult despite all the help we give. He has no hep at school and is left to cope. I have tried to keep hi going in the hope that he finds his way but it just isn’t worth the tears at bedtime and bed wetting from being so fearful of life at school. So his de reg letter will b going in on Monday 5th January and be considered home educated from that date. My eldest -T is in yr 11 and getting ready to sit exams. He has struggled through education from get go but without help from school even with great ormand street children’s hospital putting pressure on school with recommendations! He is a fighter bless him. He has broader spectrum disorder and specific atypical learning difficulties. He also has a rare metabolic condition but that’s a whole norther post! X